June 7, 2012 (8:44pm)
This past year has been very different, commonly like the rest. Just this time last year I was hanging out with my best friend every single day. Just acknowledging that I wont ever experience that feeling ever again brings me down day after day. The fact that I only get to see my best friend once a month is torture. Loosing something you don’t know how to go on without, is something I don’t want to experience for a third time. But how is it I feel that way. We’re only born to die.. why do we have these emotions. Why must it be in our instincts to feel.. I try to look past all the emotions inside of me, but once my mind goes off track and begins to think about all the things I hide away, I can’t control my feelings anymore. I can hide them, but most certainly can not control how I feel. I hate that the most. Because no one should ever have to feel so down about their life, that hurts too much. For me, looking back on the past hurts the worst. I yearn to go back in time. To stop all the pain of the people I care about the most. And stay where everything was right, good, and perfect. A time way before just last year. A time that seems like it was erased.. After everything happened, that past was gone forever. And it’s what brought me to the second past I now miss. Life gave me something to help me, and make me actually feel happy again. Then it took it all away from me. And left me at the bottom again. The nostalgia I have for my past will never change. I already know it’s better then the future for me. Everything was just, different..
Um, just had to get that off my chest. It wasn’t a matter for my followers, but mostly for me. To once put something out there that expresses how I feel in this exact moment. Not fully understood in your mind, but completely understood in mine.